Mindfulness is hard work! I have tried my best to pay attention to the things going on around me and being present. Not disappearing into the past or the future or those what if moments that always creep into my mind. Being present has become my real life, “Polkaroo.” Right when I think I have caught it, it disappears as if it was never there.
At the grocery store the other day, I saw someone that looked familiar. I glanced over again and still wasn’t satisfied that it wasn’t the person I thought it was. Now I’m being downright rude and staring. Then, I realized, no way it’s her, she would never wear those shoes! So, I began to wonder, “what happened to her?” “How are her parents?” “Did she ever stop eating cheese?” When I came back to reality I realized I was wandering through the produce section with a buggy that wasn’t mine. How did I know it wasn’t mine? Well, of course, there’s a purse in it that can’t be mine since I usually carry a side sling. Discreetly I reached over to my right shoulder to check if maybe I unmindfully changed purses before coming to the store. Nope, it’s confirmed, I am now the scared owner of 2 purses??? Security is fast approaching and I can only wish to disappear. I pass him the buggy explaining that I thought it was mine. He stares at me with accusing eyes, which I know I deserve.
Meanwhile, the real owner of the purse and buggy searches through her things to see if I took anything. I utter apologetic words, she grunts. I proceed to walk away, head down, avoiding eye contact from any of the patrons of the fine grocery establishment. I slowly look ahead to find my buggy abandoned by the organic mushrooms. Quickly I grab it and continue shopping. I realized at that moment that through my embarrassment I had achieved mindfulness. Hopefully, mindfulness is possible without embarrassment though.
I’m setting a goal to be mindful for 2 minutes, then maybe 5 minutes. The possibility of staying mindful for a whole 10 minutes is daunting. But one day I too will be mindful. I will have breakfast with a friend and listen to her rather than think about what’s for dinner tonight! Oh no, did I close the front door when I left the house? Sorry, my mind wandered again… I’m 98% sure I did close it.
Yes, one day I will achieve this mindfulness thing that everyone is talking about. Now, where’s my wallet?
Here’s a link to the latest in my mindfulness journey: Mindfulness Argh the Frightening Continuation