Casinos are fun. They are like bars but with minimal drinking, lights and a bit more gambling. I thought going there would be like it is in the movies. Bartenders offering drinks and peanuts, all kinds of snacks like Deviled eggs, ice-cream and cereal. The mob inviting people to count their cards.
Instead, there was a lady gambling with a sleeping baby on her back in one of those sack things. Now, I’m not one to judge but, I thought it was really unfair. Why did she bring the baby along? It didn’t make sense to me. Especially since the baby was not going to get to participate in the fun. Instead of keeping the baby awake and alerting him or her to all of the fun, the mom must have gently lulled the baby to sleep. It was such a shame, especially since the experience could have been a real teachable moment.
With disappointment weighing heavy on my heart, I decided to play the slots. I love gambling so much that I put $5 in one of the slot machines. Time must have past and I was down to about $2 or so when something happened and the machine lost its mind. Flashing lights accompanied by all manners of redness and noise. It kept saying; FREE SPIN! FREE SPIN! That’s all it kept saying. I panicked and looked around. I didn’t want the others to see what was happening to me. I figured this is how people wind up with woken up babies on their backs or even worse, being asked for loans! I anxiously hit the payout button. As I bent down to retrieve my $5.25 a man passed by and farted. Sweet of him to share, I thanked him kindly and moved along.
It seemed like everyone wanted the next machine I went to. One lady kept buzzing around me. She might have been using it previously. I asked her kindly to allow me to use the slot machine for a while and told her that I felt it was my turn now. She understood and blessed the machine by picking her nose and wiping it on the machine. I stared her directly in the eye. Not menacingly though but, in a kind-hearted way. All the power had gone to my head at this point! I found my elbow length yellow plastic cleaning gloves and put them on. Then I sat down and fed the machine my $5.25 and pulled the lever. She mumbled a prayer in a language I couldn’t understand and walked away. It then dawned on me that I could get used to this, all of this power. I imagined myself wearing a diaper and sitting at the same slot machine for hours, with that gambling anthem “WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT,” blasting in the background!
Then things changed and I needed to eject myself from the situation. I was losing again. My 25 cents was gone and I was back to $5 flat. I got my payout and stood up to leave. When I walked in it wasn’t as apparent as it was now. The casino was shaped like a freaking maze. there were no markers, no way of telling which way was out. I looked around and there wasn’t a clock or a window anywhere. My tummy rumbled and threatened me with all kinds of butt gut issues. Why now! I walked and walked to no end. Officially, I had the sweats! Where were the exit signs or even the people who worked here? I started to take off my jacket, wig, gloves, and socks. I spun, or the room spun, I couldn’t tell the difference or find my way out.
When I woke up I was sweating profusely. The baby had dragged me out. He was the only one who noticed that I had reached my boiling point! His mom didn’t even realize he had escaped from the safety of her sack thingy. Thank you anonymous baby!
I’m going back for sure next week. At the very least I now know my way out!
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